Don't Be a Dick

So, I know I’m a bad Buddhist for being pleased at seeing those that hurt me or wronged me, suffer. After all, it’s only karma that it comes back around to them. But then what happens when I take joy in their misfortune? Will I then have a dose of karma back?

Honestly, at this stage… I couldn’t care less. I have two ex’s I mention from time to time, my ex husband, we’ll call him D. and my ex boyfriend, C. Just to keep things straight.

First I found out that C. who was a very verbally abusive, insecure person railed with mommy issues the likes of which I have never seen, is now single… again, and unemployed. Okay, so he went from building computers for a large company to working at Game Stop, but I think it still qualifies. Not only that, but since we split up, he’s had two unsuccessful relationships so I’ve heard. He used to love insulting me and calling me names. A favorite of his, and I quote, “Stupid fucking bitch!” and so forth. He also called me stupid and an idiot more or less. Now I haven’t spoken to C. in some time, uhhh… I believe it’s been over 2 years? But if I could say anything to him now, it’d be “You’re single and unemployed… who’s the bitch now?

Then I found out that D. the ex husband, who got married and divorced again after we divorced, is now dating again. D. is 11 years older than I am, so that makes him 41, well 42 by this time, he’s had a birthday. I graduated high school in 2000. Why is this relevant you ask? Well that’s because his new girlfriend graduated high school in 2007… yeah, that’s an 18 year gap in age. Now, if he was a successful, attractive business man… sure, then I could understand the attraction. However, he looks like Borat, including the body hair and porn stach. Has the personality of an abandoned toddler and loves to point out your every physical flaw with no shame in his own disgusting appearance ( he had the worst hygiene of anyone I’ve ever met in my life. )

Both my ex’s had some good points and I can respect that yes, a relationship is a two way street and that I am also to blame for a relationship not working out, however… Some times people just don’t “fit” together. That’s just how it was. I was too young for D…  and C. was just a whiney, abusive dick.. there’s no sugar coating that.

So all I can do is sit back and laugh because I’ve learned a valuable lesson from them. If you keep having bad relationships, take a step back and have a nice hard look at all of them. You’ll realize that there is one factor in common among them, and that’s you. You have to change who you are and what you’re about then you will attract different situations and a more supportive environment. It’s called changing your Karma.

Moral of the story is… don’t be a dick.

Time keeps on tickin'...

As I sit here, waiting for the last half hour of my work day to slowly tick away, only two things come to my mind. “Damn, I hope I can stick with this Weight Watchers ™ shit.” and some nagging feeling that rather than working on a blog, I should be working on my book. I shrug it off and look over my stack of invoices, waiting to be organized by account and by date.

It’s almost a year already. I guess I spent so much time freaking out, running around, and complaining about not being ready to live here, that I found myself living here once I had finished panicking. Some how Ed and I have managed to make this thing work so far. Who the hell knew? Slowly all the pieces of the apartment are beginning to come together. Rebuilding all your physical possessions is a bitch, especially when you knew you had them all before you started this crazy journey. Oh well, at least my vacuum is on its way.

I have to admire my boss sometimes. Short, white and gray haired little German lady with guts and iron in her blood. She doesn’t’ back down from anyone. Right now I lazily watch her from the space between my cubical wall and book shelf as she dusts the most random things in the office. I admire her because I too could be up, cleaning around my desk, dusting, making the work space look nice… Ehh, fuck it. With fifteen minutes to go, who cares?

This is exactly the attitude that has gotten me into the 256 pound rut I currently find myself in. Okay, so that and my ADD coupled with my love of video games. Oh, and if you add in my love of food, that’s also part of the problem. Don’t judge me now. Food is my vice since I don’t smoke, drink and though I live in California now, I don’t get high either. I guess something had to give.

Supportive guy that he is, Ed has also so graciously joined the Weight Watchers ™ program with me. He also has the same love of procrastination, gaming and food that I do, so I guess that makes us both enablers of one another’s fat assed-ness. But we just joined the program last night so only time will tell.

10 minutes left in my day, and one of the warehouse guys just slaps down a new fresh stack of paperwork in front of my face. I can smell the dust and wood from the warehouse. Awesome… I scowl as I look down at it and sigh. Fortunately it’s stuff I can key in first thing in the morning. Why isn’t it a Friday? It feels like a Friday and it’s screwing with me.

Out of boredom I start to bite little pieces of dead skin from my chapped lips. Sad that the most exciting thing I have to look forward to tonight is meticulously weighing my food and measuring every little thing that goes into it, and playing World of Warcraft. Oh I suppose you can throw in getting gas as some excitement, if you’re so inclined. Maybe I’ll go to the little coffee house where Ed works and pester him for a minute?

There goes that god damn phone again, always ringing when I was in the middle of a thought. That’s what I get for being unable to figure out what I wanted to do with my life while I had the chance to go to college. Then you get stuck doing customer service jobs and pipe dreams of being a real writer.

Either way, no deep thoughts come into my soggy brain. No meaningful lessons to share or touching personal experiences. Just bored ramblings. Perhaps, next time?

The Story

Moving across country is one hell of a way to start off your 30^th birthday, but that’s just what she did. Melinda had a long distance relationship to deal with, and after her job in the art industry dried up and died, as many jobs did, she decided that fate was throwing her a hint. It was time for a change.

She packed up her small, little, blue hatch back with as much weight as it could carry and in a numb, hazy state of mind, said goodbye to her Father and Mother and to the entire state of North Carolina. She and her boyfriend, Edwin, drove together, across the US of A, stopping only at night, and to visit two good friends along the way. Finally they stopped outside of a white house with Spanish tiles, falling into a slow state of disrepair. They had arrived in the sleepy little town of San Leandro in California.

It felt alien, strange. No thick tree cover over head and able to see the Oakland Hills from miles away. She felt vulnerable here, out of place and lost. The first step was finding a job, which she did in less than three weeks and she forced herself to settle into some sort of routine. While she loved her roommates, the experience of living with 4 other people was an experience she was not all to pleased to have. It was also new to her, like everything else there was new. Foreign.  But it worked for a while.

Now 11 months have passed, bring with it some good change, and some changes she’d rather remove. A new apartment and some much needed privacy but also with a new desk job and limited funds to renew her membership to aerobics, some unwelcomed weight gain.

This is the blog of one 30 year old woman/girlfriend/video gamer/writer wannabe and it follows her as she attempts to discover the person under it all.